Lesson 2: Voice - Gently Reach Into Their Brain

Lesson 2

Law of the Universe #1: Your voice will introduce emotional reactions in your counterpart. You smile. They smile. Without realizing it, you’ve just reached into their brain and turned a dial. It’s called mirror neurons and it’s involuntary. They can’t help it or stop you. Even if they don’t smile, they are fighting it because a portion of their brain is telling them to smile.   Your simplest, yet effective tool in negotiation, and actually in any verbal communication, is your voice. Your tone of voice can turn this dial.  Its stealth nature may actually make it one of your most effective tools. This process begins before you’ve even spoken enough words to complete a thought. This is one of the simplest, yet most sophisticated emotional intelligence (EQ) skills in your arsenal. When people are in a positive frame of mind, they think more quickly. There’s data out that indicates people’s brains may function up to 31% more effectively in a positive frame of mind. They are more likely to collaborate and problem-solve with you, as opposed to struggling against you, if they are in a positive frame of mind. The reverse of this is true as well. Keeping a smile on your own face and in your voice will increase your own mental agility. Law of the Universe #2: You are 6x more likely to make a deal with someone you like. There are essentially three tones of voice available to negotiators. The first two are the only ones you should ever use and they are: the "late-night FM DJ" voice and the smiling positive/playful voice. The third tone of voice, which will always have a negative effect on your counterpart in negotiations, is the direct/assertive voice. Using the assertive voice is like slapping yourself in the face while you're trying to make progress. Your counterpart will always be looking for the opportunity to push back. The late-night FM DJ voice Use this voice when it's extremely important to make your point. It should be used in place of the direct/assertive voice. This may be in regards to a term in a negotiation that there is no “give” on. Follow this with silence (an effective pause). Do not be the one to break that silence. The key to the late-night FM DJ voice is for your voice to inflict downward at the end, very much like a late-night FM DJ. This gives your voice simultaneously a calming effect and elements of both authority and trustworthiness. It's very close to the voice used by the best TV news anchors. They need you to believe in them and trust what they say. It's powerful and it works. Be cautious of overuse of this voice. With overuse it will make you seem distant or even condescending. A licensed hypnotherapist once told us the late-night FM DJ voice was the first thing he'd been taught in hypnotherapist training. That's how powerful it is. “How am I supposed to do that?” Use the late-night FM DJ voice to say this in a deferential, graceful manner and as though you are actually asking for their help (in essence – you are). There is great power in deference and you will find the ability to say nearly anything that might provoke a negative reaction if you say it with deference. The smiling positive/playful voice This voice is actually the voice to you should use most of the time. It’s the voice of an easy-going, good-natured person. The key to this is to smile while you're talking and be somewhat relaxed. It's about conveying a positive attitude and encouragement.  When you smile while you're talking people can hear and feel the smile (the mirror neurons are reacting). People are drawn to this voice. Recognize and use the power of your voice. It gives you the ability to literally reach into a counterpart’s brain and flip an emotional switch the moment you begin speaking. Example: Voices in Action One of our Black Swan Group instructors was bargaining in the spice markets in Istanbul. A female friend bargaining at the same time was consistently getting better deals, and she was bargaining quite assertively. The culture in the spice markets in Istanbul is a merchant culture and they are used to spirited bargaining. They use hospitality and friendliness themselves in a powerful way to draw you in and create reciprocity. Our instructor had been using mostly the late-night FM DJ voice. The friend pointed out that she was making it a point to be as "playful" as possible and that was the key to her success. Learn to hear your own voice as you speak and watch its effect on your counterpart. You’ll simultaneously find your own state of mind is balanced.

Lesson 1

Lesson 1: Balance is the Key to Elegant Negotiation Power

Negotiation Rule #1: "No-deal" is better than a bad deal.  The #1 Component of Power is Balance There was an article written in the early 1980's called "The Seven Components of Power".  It was about physical power in hand-to-hand combat.  In many ways this article correlates directly to negotiation.   In this article, the #1 component of power was not strength (strength was actually 6th on the list).  The #1 component was "balance".  There is an old saying in negotiation, "He (or she) who cares least wins".  The minute you get it firmly fixed in your mind that no one can make you say "yes", you begin to get control over your balance.   If you're in a deal or some kind of negotiation that you feel you have to have, that you can’t say “no”, you've just taken yourself hostage and you’ve lost your balance.  This instruction is here to help keep you from taking you hostage.   Once you've taken yourself hostage via anxiety, your performance abilities actually decrease.  If it’s not a good deal, say “Thanks, but no-thanks” and move on. You’ll spend less time finding a better deal that works then you’ll spend trying and hoping to make a bad deal good. What is most likely to make a deal bad will be a single term. In many cases, it won’t be price. Price is only one term. (We’re going to take a deeper dive into price in Lesson 10). Truly dangerous cutthroat negotiators know that you will be seduced by price, or you will think the negotiation is over because you’ve reached a price, and then they will kill you with another term. Some Chinese manufacturers are famous for this. Ever hear of Chinese dry wall? They certainly have in Florida where there are thousands of uninhabitable houses because of it. The deal that taught us this rule was a highly lucrative deal early in our history, with one killer term. Our reports had to be “satisfactory”. They later changed what they thought was “satisfactory”, which meant they weren’t going to pay us. 2 years and 5 law firms later, we finally found the right law firm to help us and got every dime. No word resembling “satisfactory” has appeared in any of our contracts since. Hope is not a strategy. Because of that – here is your 2nd rule. Negotiation Rule #2: “Yes” is the last thing you want to hear. “Yes” Seduces It has been contended that the word "yes" is the most beautiful word in any language. It's the word we are seduced by. The desire to hear it may blind you to what is really being said. Some negotiation advice tells you to come up with a "yes-able" proposition. There is also the ridiculous idea of building a "yes" momentum. This is someone getting you to say “yes” three times in a row to a succession of different closed-ended questions. The theory is that momentum has built to the point that when they ask you to buy you will automatically say “yes”! This is so over used in sales and argument construction that the moment anyone starts trying to get you to say “yes” your guard likely goes up immediately. What goes through your mind when you pick up the phone and hear – “Have you got a few minutes to talk?”   We can promise you it's at least this: “How long is a few minutes?” and "If I say ‘yes’, I may not like what I gotten myself into." Most closed-ended questions that you encounter are designed like this. The questioner is quite clearly pushing for a "yes". It's likely that this sort of thinking comes from a lawyer based argument approach – "never ask a question that you don't know the answer to in advance".   While this may be a good strategy for a lawyer interrogating a witness, it's not a good negotiation strategy. It diminishes rapport, which is the opposite of what you want in a negotiation. 3 Kinds of “Yes” You will find that there are three kinds of "yes". 1 – Commitment; 2 – Confirmation and 3 – Counterfeit.   Some people are so used to others trying to drive them into commitment “yeses” they fling the counterfeit “yeses” around quite freely. Have you ever heard a "yes" and found out later it wasn't a "yes"? This is the counterfeit “yes” and is often used to gather information from you before they tell you "no". (You may have been guilty of trying to corner them with the “yes” momentum.) The minute you stop the practice of pushing others for “yeses” via closed-ended questions is the minute you stop a self-defeating behavior and you begin to increase your sophistication in your approach to negotiation. Negotiation Rule #3: “Yes” is nothing without “how”. “How am I supposed to do that?” The 1st way to say “no” with elegance to a bad term is “How am I supposed to do that?” You have to say it with the right tone of voice and Lesson #2 goes into that. Lesson 21 goes into saying “no” in much more depth, so for now, this should be your go-to “no”. Test-drive it. You’re going to end up loving it. Is their “yes” counterfeit? If you’ve gotten a “yes”, but they can’t answer “how”, the “yes” they gave you is an illusion. It’s counterfeit. Think about how we get fixed on “Yes” in the first place.

"Humility and hard work with customers is key- We're not entitled to anybody's business, we have to earn it"

"Humility and hard work with customers is key- We're not entitled to anybody's business, we have to earn it"

David Mark Decherd

David Mark Decherd Top Aflac Account Opener 4th quarter 2016

David Mark Decherd Top Aflac Account Opener 4th quarter 2016

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