Law of the Universe #1: Your voice will introduce emotional reactions in your counterpart.
You smile. They smile. Without realizing it, you’ve just reached into their brain and turned a dial. It’s called mirror neurons and it’s involuntary. They can’t help it or stop you. Even if they don’t smile, they are fighting it because a portion of their brain is telling them to smile.
Your simplest, yet effective tool in negotiation, and actually in any verbal communication, is your voice. Your tone of voice can turn this dial. Its stealth nature may actually make it one of your most effective tools. This process begins before you’ve even spoken enough words to complete a thought.
This is one of the simplest, yet most sophisticated emotional intelligence (EQ) skills in your arsenal.
When people are in a positive frame of mind, they think more quickly. There’s data out that indicates people’s brains may function up to 31% more effectively in a positive frame of mind. They are more likely to collaborate and problem-solve with you, as opposed to struggling against you, if they are in a positive frame of mind.
The reverse of this is true as well. Keeping a smile on your own face and in your voice will increase your own mental agility.
Law of the Universe #2: You are 6x more likely to make a deal with someone you like.
There are essentially three tones of voice available to negotiators. The first two are the only ones you should ever use and they are: the "late-night FM DJ" voice and the smiling positive/playful voice. The third tone of voice, which will always have a negative effect on your counterpart in negotiations, is the direct/assertive voice. Using the assertive voice is like slapping yourself in the face while you're trying to make progress. Your counterpart will always be looking for the opportunity to push back.
The late-night FM DJ voice
Use this voice when it's extremely important to make your point. It should be used in place of the direct/assertive voice. This may be in regards to a term in a negotiation that there is no “give” on. Follow this with silence (an effective pause). Do not be the one to break that silence.
The key to the late-night FM DJ voice is for your voice to inflict downward at the end, very much like a late-night FM DJ. This gives your voice simultaneously a calming effect and elements of both authority and trustworthiness. It's very close to the voice used by the best TV news anchors. They need you to believe in them and trust what they say. It's powerful and it works.
Be cautious of overuse of this voice. With overuse it will make you seem distant or even condescending.
A licensed hypnotherapist once told us the late-night FM DJ voice was the first thing he'd been taught in hypnotherapist training. That's how powerful it is.
“How am I supposed to do that?”
Use the late-night FM DJ voice to say this in a deferential, graceful manner and as though you are actually asking for their help (in essence – you are). There is great power in deference and you will find the ability to say nearly anything that might provoke a negative reaction if you say it with deference.
The smiling positive/playful voice
This voice is actually the voice to you should use most of the time. It’s the voice of an easy-going, good-natured person. The key to this is to smile while you're talking and be somewhat relaxed. It's about conveying a positive attitude and encouragement. When you smile while you're talking people can hear and feel the smile (the mirror neurons are reacting). People are drawn to this voice.
Recognize and use the power of your voice. It gives you the ability to literally reach into a counterpart’s brain and flip an emotional switch the moment you begin speaking.
Example: Voices in Action
One of our Black Swan Group instructors was bargaining in the spice markets in Istanbul. A female friend bargaining at the same time was consistently getting better deals, and she was bargaining quite assertively. The culture in the spice markets in Istanbul is a merchant culture and they are used to spirited bargaining. They use hospitality and friendliness themselves in a powerful way to draw you in and create reciprocity. Our instructor had been using mostly the late-night FM DJ voice. The friend pointed out that she was making it a point to be as "playful" as possible and that was the key to her success.
Learn to hear your own voice as you speak and watch its effect on your counterpart. You’ll simultaneously find your own state of mind is balanced.
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