You should already be seeing improvements in all your interactions. Changes in your psychological “balance” and the artistic use of your tone of voice should already be paying dividends for you.
Skill 1: Labels
What is a label?
The first negotiation skill in this program is labels. A label is an intentionally designed verbal observation. It's a sentence that most always begins with these words:
"It seems like…" “It sounds like…" “It looks like…”
This phrase is then followed by your observation of the dynamic you wish to affect. It’s one of the reasons these skills in other formats have been called the stealth weapons of effective negotiations. Use your powers for good and not evil.
This is a crafted and targeted skill. It’s seemingly innocuous. It will have an impact on what you’ve selected. It’s used to reinforce a selected positive dynamic or diffuse a selected negative dynamic. It’s a skill that allows you to surface objections and diffuse them or conversely surface dynamics, which are to your advantage and reinforce them.
You can label an action, an implication, an intuition, an affect; literally almost any part of the communication process that has, or is occurring. This process will be invisible to your counterpart.
An example of a label used in an actual negotiation between a landlord (who was known for not allowing sub-letters) and tenant (who wanted to sub-lease his apartment) was:
"It seems like you don't like sub-letters."
This is an elegantly simple, yet versatile skill. You will feel awkward when first implementing this skill. We can promise you in advance the first time you use a label your imagination is going to conjure up an image of your counterpart jumping up and shouting "Don't you dare use labels on me!" It's not going to happen. But the only way you're going to find out how undetectable labels are is by using them.
How to use labels
Labels are used for confirmation of understanding, for digging in deeper, and even as a way to ask a question. A label can be constructed as a statement by using a downward voice inflection at the end of the sentence or as a question by using an upward voice inflection at the end of the sentence just as you would when you ask a question.
Labels encourage your counterpart to be more responsive. They will usually give you a longer response than just a “yes” or a “no”. With someone who won't answer at all it will usually get them to give you at least a “yes” or “no”.
The use of several labels in a conversation will accumulate to achieve breakthroughs. At the end of the landlord/tenant negotiation mentioned earlier, when the tenant thought he’d reached an impasse and was getting ready to gracefully withdraw, he said:
“It sounds like there’s nothing I can say to get you to change your mind.”
The landlord then responded with “Yes there is” and proceeded to outline the exact terms he wanted. They made the deal.
Start labeling right away. The sooner you get the feel for this skill, the sooner you will be generating breakthroughs.
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